So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
