Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
