what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
