I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
