I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize