Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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