So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
