hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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