he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
