One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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