Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
