I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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