I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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