This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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