I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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