Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
