Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
