Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just high enough for therapy.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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