apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
