If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
