do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
