Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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