He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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