there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
