The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
