my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
