I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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