It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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