He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
