I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
