I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
