I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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