I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
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