I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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