Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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