Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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