if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
