Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
