Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
