i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
