I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
