the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
