Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize