My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
