Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
