I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
