6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
