Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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