Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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