guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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