Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
