Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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