I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
