Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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