Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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