i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
