i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
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