All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
