R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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