Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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