my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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