pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
