I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
