I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
