ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
