There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
