Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize